Wow. My last post was quite fueled. Sorry?
I remember I was still holding on to a toxic friendship when I wrote that blog post, and man did I feel angry… obviously. I’m tempted to delete it, but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that you should never destroy, delete or get rid of past journal entries. So in this case, I will keep it. I guess it is something to look back on.
** Since posting this, I decided to delete my last post… It did not represent the person I want to be**
A lot has changed since then.
I travelled to Romania to meet my husband’s family, for the first time ever. Had a wedding over there. Saw a lot of stray dogs that hurt my heart, and made my holidays a lot less enjoyable than I would have hoped. I wanted to save them all. Though, I will say, some of the strays may have had better lives than the dogs that lived with humans… The stray dogs were often fed by caring passer-bys… but not all. A lot of the animals that lived with, us ‘amazing humans’, would be tied up on short chains, in the hot sun, with little to no water (If I could, I always provided with them with water. My husband had to be my voice when asking his relatives or people around to provide some water for their dogs). Others, roamed free on their land. I didn’t know what to feel other than pain and sadness. It’s so much different than where I live and was brought up. I wanted to do more. I can happily say that we did save one little puppies life and found him a really great home. That makes my heart a bit more happier.
Anyways, my husband tells me there’s a famous Romanian actress that has a foundation for these animals. I can only hope more are saved than forgotten. It makes me feel worthless and wish I was better. Wish I could do more. I guess, “become a better human being” is still on my to-do list.
Shortly after we returned home, back to Canada. (Alberta to be precise..), I started school. Holistic Natural Nutrition School (through CSNN- Canadian School Of Natural Nutrition). Something I had been looking into for years, close to 7 years I would say. I had many attempts at different schools in my time. I tried, Special Needs Teacher Assistant… stopped after a few courses. Not sure why. Tried Medical Transcriptionist… quit after 3 months, it angers me to talk about because it was a hard time realizing that I was a quitter, but I could not stand the idea of having my career being sitting at a desk for how ever many hours a day, listening to doctors yap away too fast and mumble. Just wasn’t for me. See I would be happy to have a career online based (actually that’s my dream & goal), but one in which I am doing or talking about what I love or what think I love anyways.
I say ‘what I think I love’ because, I’m good at telling myself things that I want to believe. Like, ‘Oh, you would love a Medical Transcriptionist career’, or ‘You can work out 5 days a week, you can be that person’, or ‘You love nutrition and healing with food… you will do GREAT at Natural Nutrition…’.
Well, 2/3 of those haven’t worked out so well and the nutrition one, we have yet to tell.
What I DO know… is that I love the vegan lifestyle. Still. Always will. And quite honestly, I think I always did. (I’ll save that topic for a later post)
Anyways, I’ve been doing this Natural Nutrition course for 6 months now, and have 4 months left, not including the 3 weeks of insane-stress filled of studying before the final exam in July. Eek. Talking about it makes me sick. I don’t want to think about it. K, no more talking about the exam. I don’t do exams well, especially when there’s so much riding on it. Anyways, fingers crossed it doesn’t go as bad as I expect it to. ß Thanks, Anxiety! Negative thinking will bring negative reactions. Insert * F*** YOU EMOJI *
While doing school though, I haven’t been able to focus on weight much… it’s constantly on my mind. I am constantly worrying about it, but I have such little time in the day, I can’t seem to find time to work out. Might sound like an excuse, but it is what it is.
Actually, that’s really it. That’s where I am at now. I forget what free time feels like. I forget what it’s like to go home and do nothing. What does that feel like? That must be nice?
I can’t wait to be done. I have my fingers crossed that I make it.