I know you know exactly what I mean…

Just strolling through the mall, enjoying my day until…

CRRAAPP!! There’s my old classmate…

They haven’t seen me since I’ve gained all this weight!! 

 

This is actually one of my biggest fears lately. It has caused me to stop going to malls or places where I think I may run into people I know. I have stopped seeing best friends, because I know exactly what they will think in their head… “Oh man… Denise really gained a lot of weight.”

I have even gave up on opportunities to see old friends that I would actually really like to see but I am too ashamed to let them see what I have become.

Admit it, you do it too, and I do it myself! When you see someone that you haven’t seen in a while, his or her appearance is the first thing you notice. It’s inevitable! Really, I don’t look for those things but its wired in our brains to notice the appearance first, and if someone went from a nice, good, decent figure to a big, blown up marshmallow… you can’t help but notice that right away.

It’s a silly reason to lose weight, but honestly, a big part of why I want to lose weight is because of what others think.

When I think of all the times this has happened to me, I realize how much of it I actually have blocked out. There are so many times this has happened to me I can’t even count. I blocked it all out because that is what really hurt me, what really got to me! That feeling where you know they are surprised with what you look like… Their burning eyes glancing up and down at your once beautiful and skinny figure to it’s now bumpy, flabby, and unattractive blob. Makes me wonder, why did I block it out? Why didn’t I just take it in, suck it up and realize that I needed to make a change? If I had just dealt with those feelings then, I would not be in this situation today.

 

…..

 

I am really disappointed with myself at the moment. Not even sure what to say. I’m actually shaking my head in that – non-approved, disappointed, unhappy- mad parent kind of way.

I have let this go on for years. Although I am dispointed in myself, I am happy that I am realizing that now I am finally taking all the right steps to put me in the right direction.

What’s your biggest fear? Whether it be in general, or to do with your weight/health? Have any of you been through this terrifying situation?

 

 

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