To this day, I still don’t understand why, but in junior high I started to dislike myself… and as the years went on my dislike for myself gradually turned into hating myself… I hated myself so much that it got to the point of cutting, starving myself and binge drinking so much that it caused me to be brought to the hospital TWICE!
10+ years later and I can finally say, I love myself!!! To be honest, regardless how hard those years were, the last 5 have been the hardest and most challenging.
Within the last 5 years I lost my dad, my oma, and my long-term boyfriend, who at the time I swore I was going to marry, broke up with me – leaving me absolutely devastated. To cope with the pain, I ate, and drank. That is pretty much it. My drinking was the worst when I decided to move out on my own again. Living with friends definitely enabled my inner “alcoholic”. I was drinking nearly 4-5 times a week… heavily.
Surely, at the time it seemed like nothing was wrong with that picture, but man was I wrong.
The weight literally was being packed on and I was too out of control to realize. Sure, I knew I wasn’t the weight I wanted to be at. Who could be when you ate and drank like there was no tomorrow? Of course I tried numerous attempts to lose the weight, but nothing would work and now I finally see why.
My heart and soul wasn’t ready for it. Years passed and my lifestyle hadn’t changed too much, only the faces in it. My best friends have stuck by my side, but the people I so much wanted to believe were there for me… really weren’t.
Heartbreaks, hangovers and hell.
5 years of a vicious circle of those three h’s. I look back now and think WTF!? Why couldn’t I just wake up and see what I was doing??? Well, I wasn’t ready thats what the problem was.
“Love yourself enough to live a healthy lifestyle”
That was one of the quotes that really hit home to me when I was embarking on this journey. I found it on instagram and it was the first time “loving myself” “ENOUGH” were even put in a sentence of mine. This is when I realized, after all these years, exactly the extensive damage I had done to myself. And… this was when I decided to make a change…
Here I am today, 50lbs lighter, still have a ways to go, but I can honestly say, “I love myself enough to live a healthy lifestyle!”
- Healthy Aging: How To Maintain A Healthy Lifestyle In Your 50′s (genuineselfhelp.com)
- Healthy Lifestyle (jnesmade.wordpress.com)
- Nutrition is key to leading a healthy lifestyle (rochester.ynn.com)